The Importance of a Strong Parenting Partnership

When a couple has a baby, there is a shift in the relationship. This is not to say that things get worse, or the relationship is not as strong. In fact, parenting is an amazing experience, and children enrich your lives. However, it is not without its challenges. Learning how to be parents together can test the strength of your relationship, but you can grow together and become even stronger than you were before the baby.

Understanding the Shifting Dynamic of Parenthood

Sometimes, couples miss the relationship they had before kids, when uninterrupted conversations, spontaneous outings, and romantic moments were easy to have. Having built their connection as a romantic partnership, they may struggle to adjust to being caregivers together, especially because they are already having to adjust to the new role personally. Once you are not just spouses but also parents, it can be difficult to reconcile the two sides of your relationship. Add to that the fact that children are extremely demanding, and conflict becomes something of an inevitability. It is not uncommon for someone in the partnership to end up feeling neglected. Fortunately, you can still connect with each other as partners and not just parents.

Maintaining Strong Communication

The most important thing you can do for any relationship is to keep open, honest communication. This is especially crucial in parenting, when a lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. It’s complicated, though, because sometimes partners have different expectations of parenthood, and this can lead to arguments. It is important to discuss hopes and fears, talk about the values you want to instill in your child and the goals you have for your parental role. Actively listen to your partner, providing support and considering each other’s perspectives. Each partner should feel heard, supported, and valued, and you should consciously recognize and respond to each other’s needs. This is good for your relationship, and it’s also good for your children, who will learn about relationships from watching you.

Keeping Romance Alive

Parenting is chaotic, and children are a constant presence. If this doesn’t seem conducive to romance, that’s because it’s not. If you are not careful, your romantic relationship can begin to suffer as you transition into parenting roles. Keeping romance and physical intimacy strong, even when life is hectic, can help keep your relationship healthy and make each partner feel valued as people, not just co-parents. It’s not about grandiose gestures; little, consistent acts can help each partner feel wanted, loved and prioritized.

• Be intentionally affectionate. Hold hands, kiss goodbye, kiss goodnight, and give each other hugs. Touch each other often, not necessarily in a romantic way, but as a gesture of affection and to express a desire to connect.
• Try new things together. Take a class, pick up a hobby together, or go for regular walks. Anything you can do regularly that you both enjoy will strengthen your relationship.
• Go on dates. You don’t have to make reservations at a fancy restaurant to have a date night. Having snacks and watching a movie together after the kids fall asleep, going to the park together, or anything else you schedule to spend time together counts. It’s all about nurturing your relationship; the activity doesn’t matter as much as the intention.
• Keep the physical part of your relationship alive. Physical intimacy goes beyond sex. Other forms of closeness, like cuddling, massages, or just lying together can help you keep the spark in your relationship.
• Schedule your time together. This may sound like the opposite of romance, but you may need to schedule physical encounters. Why? Children can make it challenging for you to get time alone, and parents often feel exhausted by the end of the day. Making a plan and establishing a routine may be less spontaneous, but it works.

Prioritizing Self-Care

Often, parents are so busy taking care of their children that they neglect their own needs. To have a healthy life and a healthy partnership, and to be the best parent you can be, you need to practice self-care. Don’t relegate this to special occasions, but integrate taking care of yourself into your daily life. Set aside time for yourself, communicate your needs to your partner, and support your partner’s needs for self-care. Sharing responsibilities with each other so that you can each have time to engage in rejuvenating, stress reducing activities can strengthen your relationship as well as promoting overall wellbeing.

Determining Division of Labor

Dividing tasks in a family can be tricky, especially when both partners have jobs and other outside responsibilities. Sometimes, one partner ends up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and unsupported. The best way to avoid this is to communicate with each other and look at life with a “we” mentality. Consider parenting and maintaining your home as a team effort, and work to collaborate with each other. Focus on common objectives, and keep a conversation ongoing about balance, needs, and how to best support each other.

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